Dear Abby

Dear Abby:

Hi- my name is Alex. I'm writing to ask for advice about a woman. This particular woman is named Lauren, and from this point forward, will be known as "Mommy".

Here's my problem...I think Mommy is having a difficult time realizing how independent I've become. She's always wanting to help with things that frankly, I really don't need help with. I'll be TWO years old next month, for crying out loud.

I'll preface my grievance by admitting there are lots of things she allows me to do independently. And granted, there are also the occasional tasks I appreciate her assistance with. For instance, preparing meals, reaching the food that's up high (I've got a handle on the food in the lower cabinets, and pull it out quite frequently), and driving. If I'm being honest, I feel quite certain I could handle all of the aforementioned tasks on my own if she didn't have the height advantage.
And until I learn to use that white bowl that everyone else in the house does, I'm also glad she changes my diaper. For now, I'm content to let her handle all of these things. I'll put them on the back burner, and address them with her when I'm three.

Having said all of that, however, there are a few tasks I feel I do not need help with:

1) crossing the road or parking lot- I find that I simply cannot win on this one. She always pulls out the infamous multiple choice trickery: "Do you want to hold my hand or should I carry you?" Uh, where is option C? I can do it on my own!

2) brushing my teeth- I feel we've reached a minor compromise on this one. After my teeth are brushed by a "responsible adult", then I get a turn.

3) eating messy meals like spaghetti, soup, cereal, or yogurt- Darn it, on this one, I just can't get her to quit offering to help me. It's insulting, really. I've attached photographic evidence to support my claim.


Eating delicious apple yogurt on my own.


Ensuring that I've eaten every last drop so I'm not wasteful. A mature and responsible thing to do, I think.


All done!


And it was delicious...


OK, so I got a little bit on my fingers. But who doesn't when they eat yogurt?


I give you a very clear picture of...SUCCESS!



I feel I've made my point. Clearly I do not need any assistance. She even wanted to wipe me down with a wet paper towel afterwards. Do you see what I'm dealing with here?

I'm not sure how I can be any clearer. Right now, my main tactic is resistance paired with impatient, aggravated shrieking until I learn to yell, "I do it myself!"
Any advice you can give me would be most appreciated.

Sincerely,

A Mature Little Boy Who's Being Treated Like an Almost Two Year Old

Dream Wedding

Last night at bedtime, after we read our two books (which is sometimes three, depending on Jacob's persuasion tactics), Jacob & I were snuggling in his bed. Jacob wasn't quite ready to drift off yet, so we chatted for a few minutes. And I was able to learn my 4 year old boy's definition of a dream wedding.


Me: "Tomorrow, we're going to see Nan."

Jacob: "I can't see Nan."

Me: "Why not?"

Jacob: "Because my girlfriend said I can't."

Me: "Why did your girlfriend tell you that?"

Jacob: "Because we're goin' to a dance. And I goin' to marry her."

Me: "Really? I thought you were going to marry me."

J: "I can't marry you cuz Daddy already married you. So I can't give you rings."

Me: "So you're going to marry your girlfriend then?"

J: "Yea. At a museum. And there will be Star Wars music*. And everyone will see a rainbow. And Shrek and Donkey will be there. Not the real ones...just costumes."

Me: "Wow. That sounds like a really neat wedding."

J: "Thanks."

Me: "What's your girlfriend's name?"

J: (thinks for a moment) "I don't remember."

Me: "Is her name Lily?"

J: "No, dat was my old girlfriend."

Me: "Oh. Sorry. What color hair does your new girlfriend have?"

J: "Blue."

Me: "Another girlfriend with blue hair?! What color eyes does she have?"

J: "I don't know...I can't see them."

Me: "Why can't you see her eyes?"

J: "Because she's sleeping."

Me: "Okay. Maybe when she wakes up tomorrow you can see what color they are."

J: "Otay."

Me: "I can't believe you're already big enough to get married."

J: "I growin' so big!"

Me: "Yes, you are. Goodnight, buddy. I love you."

J: "Goodnight."


Who knew little boys daydreamed about weddings too?

*The Star Wars idea is credited to his Aunt Tricia & Uncle Scott, who actually did have that music playing as they entered their wedding reception. Aunt Tricia shared this with Jacob just a few days ago, and he has been starry eyed over that idea ever since. I think this nugget of information has made him love his aunt and uncle even more.

Innocent Until Proven Guilty

Sometimes I feel like Alex is unfairly judged before there is sufficient evidence to prove he's guilty. For example, when I leave him alone in a room, and moments later hear a suspicious noise, I often find myself automatically jumping to the conclusion that he's into something he shouldn't be.

Maybe it's because he's my little wild man.

Maybe it's because he's (almost) two years old.

Or maybe it's because of his track record...

Like when I've found him rummaging through the trash can, spilling coffee grounds all over the floor and himself,


chewing a discarded piece of gum,

or playing in chocolate pudding.


Or when he climbs up (and now jumps off) places he shouldn't.


Or when he smacks his brother just to enjoy Jacob's yelling.

Or the times he steals one of Mommy's decorative sticks to try and hit the chandelier. (A game which I totally blame Jacob for since he started it.)


And how about all of his food bandit escapades? Like when he steals my drink after I've gotten up to fetch him his own. Guess he couldn't wait.


Or the time he devised a way to reach the donuts I was so sure were out of his reach.


And the times he gets caught sneaking in the candy drawer.


Or the times when I'm not looking, and he takes off his clothes.

Especially when he pees on the floor after he's done, like he did this morning.

Or, worst of all, when he does this.

Etc.
Etc.
Etc.

So while I'll continue to check on him, I'm going to try not to assume I'm about to walk in on some mischievous behavior. I guess I should give him the benefit of the doubt.

Because sometimes he's just reading.


Or watching TV.



Or playing cars.



Or deep in thought.


Or, like on Friday, engaged in a too-cute-and-not-at-all-staged (I swear!) act all by himself in the dining room.
After hearing what I was convinced would be our china cabinet's junk drawer being emptied out, I walked in to find that actually, only one item had been removed. And this is exactly how I found him when I walked in. I had to tiptoe away and quickly grab the camera.

He pulled this photo out of the drawer all by himself. Just so he could gaze at it.



And point to the people in it, while saying their names (Da, Ma, Tee, Maa, Nan, Pa, Ti- aka Daddy, Mommy, Kerri, Matt, Nan, Pop, and Chris).


And smile at it.


And kiss it.


My heart melted. Sure, he's wild. Sure, he gets into practically everything.

But what a sweetheart.

P.S. What picture is he looking at, you ask? Oh, a picture from a family beach vacation taken in 2004. Excuse me for a moment as I play Captain Obvious, and point out my horrendous sunburn. How creepy do I look with the red skin and light eyes? Yikes. I look like some kind of red monster, tightly gripping Jeff's arm in a not so stealthy attempt to take him as my prisoner.
"One picture, buddy...then you're coming with me."


And the picture above is edited. The original was so disturbing, I had to use Photoshop to make myself look a little less frightening. Below is pre-Photoshop. I give you- the original:

Whoever smiles first

Jacob and I have this game that we play. I call it "Whoever smiles first".

Objective: Stare into each other's eyes without smiling. Whoever smiles first, loses.

A very complex set of instructions. Ages 3 & up.

I initially created the game as a clever ploy to make him smile for pictures because it worked every single time. He always lost.



Now it has become a simple game we play even when no photo shoots are involved. It always makes us laugh.

I used to be the Whoever Smiles First Champion. However, now that Jacob has developed his own patented "I Will Refrain From Smiling No Matter What" face, I'm no longer on a hot winning streak. His new strategy has led him to many a victory. It's downright impossible for me to keep from laughing, or at the very least, smiling, at his expression.
Thankfully, he doesn't play his winning hand every single time.

This is how he used to look every time we played.

As you can see, he was almost losing before we even started.


Here's Jacob's Serious Face. Sometimes I can still win when he presents me with this one.



"Not smiling, not smiling, not smiling, not smiling..."



And, without further ado, here's his Ace in the Hole face. He's undefeated when he pulls this one out of his bag of tricks.


Even looking at a picture of it makes me laugh. I challenge anyone to stare directly at that face and not smile.

"You lose, Mommy!"


Now you see why he's close to taking over the Whoever Smiles First champion status.

Any game that makes my son laugh like this


is something I'll play anytime.
Even though I'm losing.

Independence Days

Since we officially began "going steady" on July 27, 1994, Jeff and I have celebrated many a July 4th together. We've hung out with family or friends, gone to see a real fireworks show, or laughed as my dad sprinted away from the fireworks he'd set off in their backyard. They were probably legal. Maybe.

We were used to celebrating Independence Day, well- independently. So when it came time to celebrate with a child, we weren't quite sure what to do. Especially since Jacob was just a couple weeks old for his very first July 4th experience. What to do with a baby that age? Hmm...

1) Dress him up in red, white, and blue, of course. Obviously.
2) Spend time with family. Yea, this is good stuff so far.

Hmm, what else? Oh, hey, here's an idea:

3) Wait until he's nice and calm, then dip his feet in the water!

You can tell by Daniel's face that he was wishing he could speak, and warn us, "No! Don't do that! What are you thinking, man? He won't like it, he won't like it!!"


Daniel was right. Jacob didn't like it.


Fortunately, for Jacob's sake, we did a better job the following year. It's a little easier to celebrate with a 13 month old.

Hang out at the pool- check.



Spend time with family- check.




Attempt a family portrait in spite of bad hair days (at least Jacob looks adorable)- check.


Tease small child with a sparkler he wants so badly to hold- check.


Red, white, and blue pj's- check.



OK, we're making progress...how did we fare in 2007?

We celebrated twice- once with each of our families. On the 3rd, we traveled to Jeff's parents' house at the lake, so we could enjoy Grandmom's & Granddad's neighborhood festivities.

Uncle Scott, Aunt Tricia, and cousins Daniel & Lainey were there too.


Loving on little Lainey.



We had photo shoots with Nani. We thought it was fun then getting three kids to smile. Since then, we've had to up the ante and make four kids smile all at once.



There was moonbouncing.


Which is even fun when you fall down.


Pony rides.


Don't let the above picture fool you. Sure, he looks like he's enjoying it, but literally, 3 seconds later, I was given the signal for, "Put the camera down, woman. One picture's all you're getting of your cute son happily riding a pony. I've had enough of this." It's amazing what a simple hand gesture can communicate.


A moment of calm watching the sunset. Hard to tell who's who, isn't it? Jacob's on the right...Daniel's always the tanner of the two.


Time to head out on the boat and watch the fireworks from the lake.


It doesn't take long for delirium to set in when you're up past your bedtime.



One of my favorites of Jeff & Jacob intently watching the show in the sky.



And on the 4th, we spent the evening at Nan & Pop Pop's house.

Here's Mr. Patriotic with his flags & cute salute.



Another family portrait...look how huge I am at 7 1/2 months pregnant! I think it took me approximately 45 minutes to stand up again.


Time for Pop Pop's backyard fireworks show!



A fun 3rd & 4th of July it was in '07. Only 6 weeks away from my due date with Alex, we looked forward to celebrating with him next time.
I think he enjoyed his first July 4th much more than Jacob enjoyed his first. But I already blogged about that here.

We partied it up this year. We celebrated with each of our families and enjoyed time together with just the 4 of us. We were exhausted after such active days on the 3rd & 4th, but it was worth it. Both boys had a blast.

On the 3rd, we continued the tradition of spending the day at Grandmom's & Grandmom's house. Unfortunately, Grandmom & Nani weren't there to celebrate with us (they were both attending a wedding), but we had a great time with Granddad.

Waiting in line with Daniel & Lainey for the pony rides. Luckily, they were first in line, so we didn't have to stay patient for too long.


Check out the hand holding. Adorable.


This time around, Jacob absolutely loved it. He called out "Yeeee-haw!" several times.




Alex, on the other hand, had the same feeling about the pony rides as Jacob did 2 years ago. He would have been happy with less (or no) pony riding.


Luckily for Alex, there was moonbouncing again.




I promise he was just bouncing, but every time I see this picture, I think it looks like I captured Jacob doing the Roger Rabbit dance. Go, Jacob! Go, Jacob!


There was a giant, inflatable slide that I wondered if Alex would be afraid to go down. I should have known better. His expression may not scream enjoyment, but that kid couldn't seem to get enough of that slide.


The momentum got the best of him. But he loved every second of it.


Of course Jacob did too.


Boat rides were a must!


"We're SAILING!" (One of Jeff's & my favorite lines from "What About Bob?")


Now that he doesn't care about water in his face (it was almost a phobia up until about a month ago), Jacob's latest hobby is jumping into the lake (and the pool).



Alex enjoyed some lake swimming with Granddad.


And later enjoyed (as always) snacking with Daddy.



After dinner, and pre-fireworks, there was time for a little golf with Granddad.




"Where'd the ball go? Oh, I'll tell you where I hit that ball. Right in there."


A putting and chipping lesson from the course pro...aka Granddad.



When he wasn't picking up the other kids' balls and running away with them, Alex could be found chillin' in the golf cart.


We have to rake the sand trap before moving on to the next hole!


Heading to the next hole. I love how exasperated Jacob looks. I think sometimes he can relate to how celebrities feel around the paparazzi.


When on the golf course with these kids, golf water is an absolute must. I don't know what it is about this water...I suppose the cone-shaped paper cups make it taste extra delicious.



Four cute cousins.


We've had fun waiting, but it's finally time to head out on the boat and watch the fireworks over the lake!


Relaxing with my sweet nephew & "baby" boy.


Big kiss from my big boy.


And, delirium has officially set in. Hilarious to watch, though.


The show has begun!




This picture is awful quality, but I still love the identical expressions on their faces.


After the grand finale, we dressed exhausted and overtired kids in their pj's, and hit the road to head back home. Both boys fell asleep in the car within minutes. We all had a good night's sleep. We had to get our rest to prepare for another busy day on the 4th!

We started off the day at our neighborhood's clubhouse, where there was yet another moonbounce and slide to enjoy. Apparently, a moonbounce is a July 4th staple.



We ate lunch at the pool and of course did a little swimming.


Jacob jumping in the pool. I'm so proud of him for going underwater now.


Alex was jumping in the water while holding Jeff's hands. Since this picture, however, he jumps in all by himself like the big boy that he is.


The adults had fun too.


Then it was time to head to Nan's & Pop Pop's house for our final celebration. My Aunt Sandra (Nan's sister) & Uncle Don were there visiting, so it was wonderful to spend time with them as well.


Apparently, the boys did not get enough of the pool earlier in the day (I'm not convinced they can ever have enough pool time), so swimming was first on the agenda.


Jacob wanted to show off his skills in the pool. Nan & Pop Pop hadn't seen him swim since he started putting his head underwater. They were most impressed. Doesn't someone look proud?


I like this picture of Alex & Pop Pop.


And it reminds me of one I took of Jacob & Pop Pop in July 2007.


Time to dry off and get ready for dinner.


Aunt Kerri & Uncle Matt wanted a picture with their nephews. Can you tell Alex is very clearly saying, "Cheeeeese"?


Taking time to stop and smell the flowers.



The boys were too exhausted to stay for the mini fireworks show, but Pop Pop did set off a few firecrackers. Alex seemed confused and/or annoyed by the loud noises. And not surprisingly, Jacob loved it.


Snuggling with Mommy...already starting to get tired.


I think the boys had a very happy 3rd and 4th of July.



Uncle Matt took our family picture. I had to bribe Jacob with a brownie for dessert in order to convince him to pose. Buying the matching $5 flag t-shirts from Old Navy each year is a tradition.



We sure have come a long way since our very first Independence Day as a family!