Guys and dolls

Just because there are no little girls living in this house doesn't mean we don't own a few dolls. And it doesn't mean that those dolls don't get played with. Both boys like to occasionally cradle a baby doll, pretend they're daddies, bottle feed them, and put them down for naps. It can be very sweet and endearing watching them kiss and cuddle their babies. So a few months ago, I picked up a little $5 baby doll at Target for each of them.
There are many moments in play and day-to-day life the boys show off their nurturing, caring, affectionate, and sweet traits. But every now and then, the "I'm a boy! I need to make noise! I need crashes and action and explosions and fighting!" part of their brain kicks in and takes over. And that can be fun to watch too.

Take this afternoon, for example. An active session with bouncy balls (which is fun to play inside and cringe during all of the close encounters with breakables or spillables) led to some interesting quality time with their dolls. How, you ask? Well, let me explain how their activity segued from bouncing balls to baby dolls (and then evolved into something new altogether).


After stepping into the family room for a moment with his two bouncy balls, Jacob walked back over to me and said proudly, "Look at me. I'm a real mommy with boobies."

So I glanced down at his shirt, and sure enough, he was sporting some little A cup boobies.



He began to fidget with them, moving them around, and finally asked, "Is this where your boobies are?"

I assured him that his boobs were, in fact, anatomically correct, but kept to myself my observation that his bouncy ball boobies were only slightly smaller than my real ones.

And then Alex walks up to us, announcing, "See my boobie too!"

And sure enough, Alex has (not surprisingly) copied his big brother. However, he only had one bouncy ball, so his was more of a uniboob, sticking straight out of the center of his chest. He was quite proud of it.


As the new mom cradled his baby in his arm, Jacob informed me, "When mommies have a baby, they have milk in their boobies. So I have milk in mine." And like an old pro, he began nursing his baby standing up. Through his shirt. Amazing!



Alex's baby was also able to breastfeed. Good thing that one boob was in working order.


Then it was time to move to the couch for diaper changes. I asked Jacob, "Is it a girl or a boy?"
Jacob: "A girl."
Me: "How do you know?"
Jacob: "Because the doctor told me."

As he undressed his baby girl, Jacob told us, "Uh-oh, the baby had diarrhea."


Weird timing because Alex's baby had also just pooped. After the discovery, Alex held his nose and said, "Peewww."


After the babies were freshly diapered and redressed, Jacob began experiencing the curse we all experience as we age: saggy boobs.
Only his could be easily altered without any kind of plastic surgery. Yet another reason to be envious of the bouncy ball boobs.


Then it was time for the babies to sleep. And during his baby's nap, Alex got bored and resumed playing with cars.
And when Jacob's baby awoke, the doll play suddenly began to take a slight detour.

Apparently feeling feisty after a good breastfeeding session and restful nap, the baby began performing flips in the air, showing off impressive body twists, and jumping on her head (always a good trick for a newborn).




Then Jacob realized that instead of using bouncy balls as boobs, it would be more fun if they were something a little more destructive. And before I knew it, the ball boobies had transformed into bombs that began falling dangerously close to, and then on the baby.

At my dramatic gasp, he looked over at me and said reassuringly, "Don't worry, Mommy. The baby won't get hurt. Nothing hurts him."

Bombs were falling from the sky, crashing all around. Thanks to some impressive and athletic maneuvers, the baby was only struck a few times.
This action sequence not only came with realistic bomb and explosion sound effects, but also with a theme song. Here are a few of the lyrics I overheard:

"Spiderman baby!
He can do anything a Spider-baby can do!
Plays catch with bombs before they explode!
He lost his arm, but got it back!
Spiderman! Baby!"

No wonder the baby can't get hurt. Nobody hurts Spider-baby.

Within minutes, playing with and caring for a baby doll had evolved into his own superhero TV show, complete with voice-overs announcing, "And now, Spider-baby on Disney XD." And on this particular episode, Spider-baby morphed into a baby with the ability to transform into an airplane and helicopter.
Enough already with the diaper changes, breastfeeding, and naptime. It was fun for a little while, but as Jacob likes to say from time to time, "That's too girly."

And that, my friends, is the way guys play with dolls.